One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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