Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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