I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
