after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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