Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
