Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
