grandma shit on top of the toilet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
