He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
