U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
