we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
