She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
