Cold hands, warm shart.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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