I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
