i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
