I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
