Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
