Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
