i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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