He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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