I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
