where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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