Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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