Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
