I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
