Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
