even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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