thus making me awesome and them whores
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
