i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
