had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
