i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
