so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
