Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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