she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
