how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
