Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
