I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
