Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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