You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
