saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
