the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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