dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
