she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
