So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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