i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
