the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
