Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
