I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
