so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He shit in the fireplace
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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