I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
