Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
